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As “millennials” we’re constantly labeled by statistics that indicate we fear relational commitment more than previous generations. While I usually roll my eyes at the general and negative stereotypes passed down by the baby boomers, read: we blame you, I do find middle ground with these numbers given the amount of options that are readily available for us to find a partner on the digital waves.
Unfortunately, the days of Bayside hallways and California Dreams are over. Who wouldn’t kill for a Screech these days? Direct communication and consistency? Hell yes! These new dating platforms have infiltrated our relationship cycles and can make things so unstable. So, I don’t believe we all hate and fear commitment but we do have a greater understanding of our options. We know in theory, another bus is coming in 15 minutes (via our GPS app, naturally).
My conclusion: I think we just prefer the in-between. You know, the deluxe samples.
We are obsessed with bite-sized portions; I know I personally do. Who doesn’t like a platter? You’re basically telling me I get to try something new without having to commit to the full price or mondo bottle that I can’t even fit in my carry on. Sign me up.
The problem however, is that this thinking is trickling into other areas of life and ultimately impacting emotional wellness. We have so many options when it comes to dating that we’re overly saturated with the hype. Each time you match with someone, you get a treat: a phone vibration, flashing screen, or message alert that lets us know that someone finds us interesting and wants to know more. I mean seriously, how fun is getting the BOOM on your phone? The graphics are mesmerizing!
However, what’s fun can also be exhausting.
Dating in 2017 feels like raising a Tamagotchi- super temperamental. Then, when plans don’t work out, you’re so exhausted from trying to master each round, you no longer feel like playing starting over again in fear of the same pattern. We spend so much time, energy, and emotional capitol in this process that I think self-care in this digital dating world is needed. Here are a few self-care tips I’ve created for the pre, during, and post phases of dating in 2017.
Pre-Date- Tip 1
Avoid date debt. It’s the worst and I am totally guilty of it. What is it? When you get really excited about the potential of a date and the person you are talking to, so you splurge on items for the date in thought of it being an investment of “what could be”. For example: on a normal day you bypass the nail suggestions but for some reason, before this date you need that extra $15 essence. Or maybe you fill up your tank with ‘ultimate’ instead of 87’ because even the drive to the location needs to be on point (judge me!).
Instead of racking up copious amounts of date debt and buying products that really aren’t life changing, I personally select a regime for a few days prior to the day so that I chill out and am not so hectic the day of. I love face masks for self-care any day of the week, but most definitely before a date or event. A good example is using this mask Biodara Coconut Matcha Mask which also gives your skin a good amount of time to grab the glow before the date. Additionally, I check in with myself and make sure I’m not projecting any other anxieties from elsewhere to this one thing. I’m sure to get extra rest leading up to the day, drink more water, and diligently prioritize my time.
During the Date- Tip 2
Be the behind the texts version of you IRL. Honestly, the hard part is over so there’s really no need to have a panic attack. The way this digital courtship is setup, I’m sure you know more about this person than you’d like to admit. Get your outfit pre-approved by your friend the night before and just keep breathing. Be the person you were behind the scenes of those bumble nights. I also keep my composure the day of by using Balanced Guru Loving Optimist aromatherapy spray along with Skin Owl’s Marigold Glow Beauty Steam perfect for complete relaxation and rejuvenation before the date!
Post Date- Tip 3
Don’t stress. Easier said than done, I know, but keep yourself occupied and only hold yourself accountable for decisions you make; that includes the playing of the games. Just don’t. The digital get down is already so challenging, throwing games into the mix is like performing a stress rain dance. Regardless of your actions post-date: own it. It’s cool if you want to double text, but don’t spend the next 7 hours agonizing over the response from your squad regarding that Giphy you just sent. Know your worth. I always say: don’t be afraid to eat alone until you have a suitable person for that extra seat at your table. If you’re serving a 5-course meal, don’t settle for the guest who won’t even offer to bring a bottle of wine. For additional post-date self-care options, consider indulging your skin in Good Medicine Beauty Lab Indigo Restoring Body Cream, and to nourish your beautiful face Noto Botanics Deep Serum; both great options to unwind and restart.
Take away: 2017 dating is already a joke. Remember to take care of yourself while we learn to navigate this ever-changing terrain. Also, you are not Rosetta Stone, there is nothing to decipher. Remember that actions beat your proliferation in details from words. If you’re not feeling any part of the pre-through-post date behavior, get out and start over. Plan, talk it out, and know your worth. You’ve got this.
For more self-care tips and ideas check out Dr. Dyce’s blog: your weekly follow-up.
Dr. Ceymone Dyce has plenty to talk about when it comes to mental health wellness, the latest beauty products and tech gadgets. She’s a therapist who is obsessed with skin-care and uses her platform, your weekly follow-up to offer bite-sized ideas to help readers achieve and maintain practical self-care practices each week.